In 2003, Matt received the gift of a spanking new kidney from his sister. In a rather upsetting turn of event, he began developing health issues about six months ago. Instead of opting to lead a productive life just like everybody else, Matt stopped working and started swelling. Inexplicably.
During his leave of absence, he got laid off… It was his pharmacist who indirectly informed him of his dismissal. The company had forgotten to tell him. Oops. And so he continued to leisurely swell…
Last week, Matt flew to St. Louis for a test to determine the cause of the problem, got a nice catheter into the artery right by the neck, enjoyed the company of a lovely white trash mythomaniac roomate, then went home without any answers.
He is my favorite kidney recipient EVER even though he is a total slacker who posts only once every blue moon and is at constant risk of being yanked out of my blogroll for failure to get with the program.
Matt enjoys going to Hooters. He alleges it’s all about their Hot Wings. I believe this is tantamount to saying you buy Playboy for the articles but who would I be to contradict a swollen kidney recipient?
Instead I decided to be pro-active in my support and drove to the local Hooters. I explained the need for Hot Wings photographs, and the girls were only too happy to help out. So Matt, here is to you:
Sheree
Christy
Alisha
Kandice
Lauren
Christiana
Stefanie
Chelsea
Brittany and Heather
Siarah
Voila mon petit Matt. I’ve done my share to help the nephrology cause. I hope these mere wings inspired you and helped dickrease your swelling 
Please let me know if there is anything else I can do.
note to my clients: This random act of kindness was all my idea but the content of this post was entirely devised by my evil alter ego nataliewithnoh.
double note: To all of you who access my blog by searching the terms “nathalie boobs”, I have updated the tags for variation; you may now submit “nathalie gazongas” for your pleasure.
triple note to planetross: I’ve decided my emulation of you should start by the tail end of things.
18 responses so far ↓
w1kkp // August 11, 2008 at 9:16 am |
I’ve never been to “Hooters”. Judging by your photos, all these waitresses..um.. seem to have some swelling, too. Matt, I wish you well. With friends like nathalienoh, I think you are close to a healing gazonga as well as other attributes.
Pat, I’m not a great fan of Hooters but I have to say that all the Hooter Girls were very sweet and happy to oblige. I don’t think that Matt is a gazonga, but I hope his attributes will feel better.
S. Le // August 11, 2008 at 9:32 am |
Ummm… nice photos!
Ummm… thank you!
Matt // August 11, 2008 at 10:09 am |
Haha! You are crazy. Somehow I fell this will help my cause. I can only hope others in my condition (and in this case, I just mean being male) can enjoy this blog as well. Long live wings!
Matt, I’m so happy you enjoyed your little boost. I just hope your wife will forgive me!
Midlife Slices // August 11, 2008 at 10:11 am |
My only question is…..did you find all these Hooter’s girls at one restaurant?
Yes maam! One restaurant. I went just before the change of shifts so I could get a maximum of girls. 2 minutes per chick. My fastest shoot ever!
planetross // August 11, 2008 at 10:18 am |
You had me at “Slacker Gets Wings”
I think I like where this is going; so far so good … but I am concerned … I think you are trying to distract me
I hope your brother flies right on his new wings
note: giving someone else a kidney is very very very selfless
Oh planetross, this is not MY brother unless you mean “brother” as in wizzle, then yeah, I guess Matt is me wizzle.
Wings ARE distracting, aren’t they?
planetross // August 11, 2008 at 10:57 am |
I was distracted by the wings, I guess
Is your brother “the brother who sucks with 2 kidneys” then?
planetross, boy, you guys are so EASILY distracted. My brother effectively sucks with both kidneys. I’d probably give him one of mine if he begged and crawled and promised to change his erroneous ways (he wouldn’t never do that so I feel pretty safe.) I’m sure he’ll be amused at your characterization.
mtbrooks // August 11, 2008 at 12:17 pm |
I can personally assure you all that every girl pictured is “working her way through medical school.”
When reading your posts, I read the title first, then usually look at the first picture, then start with the copy. I had a hard time making the connection between kidney transplant and 36D. Perhaps tomorrow you can do “Local orphanage gets hot mush today” paired with a picture of a truck falling through the ice in the Yukon.
Well, Michael, I just like to surprise people, that’s all. You have to admit that the title of the piece corresponded to its content. I could have been much more graphic, called my piece “Boobs” and I probably would have gotten many more hits, but what about the mystery? Things would undoubtedly make much more sense to you if you went through them in the order they were designed to be read. I can’t cover all bases!
the brother that suckswithanh // August 11, 2008 at 12:28 pm |
Hey sis!
You were –never– that kind and caring to me!
I’m totally jealous.
And btw, my back hurts so much… must be a Coene cancer developing…
C
Chris, I’m afraid planetross has renamed you. You are now Brother who Sucks with Two Kidneys.
In regard to your petty jealousy, what have you done for me lately?
I practice tough love with you and I assure you I have your best interests at heart. You also happen to photograph nude women for a living so I figured you really did not need my help in this department. Have you fallen on hard times? You know what you can do with your Coene cancer… (If it were a REAL Coene cancer, it would be a double Coene cancer, come on!)
Love,
Sis
Kristan // August 11, 2008 at 2:33 pm |
This could only have been better if Pete Sessions just happened to be having one of his half-nekkid PAC meetings while you were there. You deserve a medal for Friend of the Year, most certainly. Or a trophy. A two-story trophy even.
Love this.
Thank you for stopping by! I do not think that Hooters is scandalous enough for me to catch anyone in the act… but I’ll keep my eyes open for half-nekkid people next time (not that there will be a next time – I have only so much goodness in me to dispense.) If I do get a trophy, I’ll consider going back… I could display it next to my Ugly Yellow Plastic Cat. It could be kidney shaped. Or boob shaped. Now that WOULD be a lovely addition to my mantle!
nezza // August 11, 2008 at 3:33 pm |
You are definitely a good, good friend! I have never heard the expression Gazongas before, but I think I have heard them referred to as Bazookas. Or is that a kind of weapon? I’m so confused.
Nezza! Bazookas? English boobs are called Bazookas? Really? Sounds like dangerous territory!
bonnieluria // August 11, 2008 at 4:20 pm |
No merci, no mercy- even calling a kidney transplant recipient a slacker!
Friends don’t let friends go Hooter-less or kidney-less and you’ve proven what a considerate friend you are.
I believe Ross has a point, though…:-)
Well, Bonnie, it is not my fault if the guy happens to be a slacker! A swollen slacker – they’re the worst!
I’m sure ross has a point
epicurienne // August 11, 2008 at 5:27 pm |
Nathaliewithnoh has just given a new meaning to Loyal Friend. Lucky, lucky Matt. Hopefully, he’s now cured through the love of the wihwihwih (www.)
(PS beautiful shots. How on earth can it be that so many gorgeous girls exist in one place? And were they really all born that way or are their tips just real real goooooood?)
Salut epic, inherent qualities? Good tips? I do not know. I did not ask to touch. It may have been misconstrued.
Nava // August 11, 2008 at 7:30 pm |
Those are wonderful!! the shots, the homage, the girls, the hot wings – you are one cool person!
(Oh, and to your question about my native language, it’s Hebrew).
Well Nava, what can I say? While I have never met Matt, he just seems like a good man (even though he is slacker.) I am just so happy he does not entertain a predilection for metal poles – this may have been a more delicate shoot.) Hebrew, eh? I could use you every morning for my crossword – Hebrew months always elude me!
pamajama // August 11, 2008 at 8:39 pm |
Oh my goodness, how creatively fantastic. You are a bright star of the blogosphere! The fact that it’s for Matt is the icing on the cake:) The sauce on the wings? The nipple on the Hooters chick’s enormous bazoombas?
Better stop now . . .
pamajama, so glad you decided to stop at the nipple. I’m not quite sure where you would have taken it from there but I do not want to know! I don’t think I’m a bright star of the blogosphere but I certainly was in the midst of a lot boobspheres. Thanks for the funny comment (and the very sweet compliment!)
razzbuffnik // August 12, 2008 at 7:06 am |
The poor girls. Looks like they don’t get paid enough to wear properly fitting clothing. It looks like they grew into them.
Razz, sad, isn’t it? When I left, I think all the customers were collecting money to buy the girls brand new baggy clothes. They had tears in their eyes.
Turkish Prawn // August 12, 2008 at 8:47 am |
Playboy has ARTICLES?!? Where?!?
-Turkish Prawn
Oh come on! This month for example, you can pretend to buy the magazine for the article on nude tennis.
alntv // August 12, 2008 at 8:04 pm |
Apparently they DO let YOU drink at work. Nicely done. I really enjoy the lighting and composition in many of the photos, however I feel the angle in Lauren’s could have been placed a little lower to capture her more sensitive side and the distance between you and Chelsea took away from the immediacy of her photo. Next time…try to lay off the Dos Equis while shooting your subjects. But overall…not bad.
EXCUSE ME! Just one question: have you had a kidney transplant recently? I didn’t think so. When you get one, you get to criticize.
You’d have to be swollen too.
Weekly Fruit Salad - Nummer elva « SanityFound’s Rambling’s // August 18, 2008 at 5:57 pm |
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