Fairy Tails

My fairies are very much unlike Lady Cottington’s Pressed Fairies. I say that… but when they come out en force at the Dallas Gay Pride Parade, some do bear a slight resemblance to the crushed pixies.

Parade Fairy showing remarkably naked ass

Lady Cottington’s Pressed Fairies showing remarkably naked bottoms

Seriously, my parade fairies seem to resist any particular kind of genre. They are all ages, dress very differently, and the only thing they appear to share is a love for exaggerated attitude. Totally not the macho type.

Accentuated hip movements associated with sashaying are a dead giveaway

Joining hands, and bottom to the side when expressing oneself, that too, throws you in my fairy catchall category.

Hands on the waist, bottom to the side, pursed lips, and underwear showing, well, that does not leave much to the imagination. Fairy!

Too pretty does it too…

And if nothing distinguishes you from the masses, you can always hold a sign!

This year however, the one who really threw me in the deepest confusion was little Miss Strawberry Shortcake. Coming down Cedar Springs on a bicycle, from afar, there was no doubt you had to be in fairy land.

But from up close, my sweet little Strawberry Shortcake morphed into…

STRAWBERRY BEEFCAKE!

So just like Adam and Eve got booted out of Eden, my little Strawberry got repudiated from my fairy world and sent to the hair removal lady. Wax on, wax off…

To be continued…

OMG! It was soooo GAY!!!

Vibrant stallions of luv in their underwear strutting their stuff on the boulevard… Where else can you revel in such awesomeness than in the Fabu Dallas Gay Pride Parade? I go every year. Mostly for the guys in their undies and I have no shame to admit that. Woohoo for almost naked men!!! But let’s ease into the event by describing the audience first, the normal folks like you and me.

So at Gay Pride, mostly, the peeps in attendance are not like you and me after all. They have a more… Flamboyant side. So the show is as much in the parade than on the sidewalks. Sometimes it’s even way better on the sidewalks.

Bob, Grat, Bill, and Emmett (Joe, Jack, William, et Averell for the Frenchies out there)

A cowboy needs nothing else than his hat and boots. Obviously!

My buddies from last year! Still voguing!!!

The only heterosexual present but so fearful he wrote “Vaginas r Awesome” on his chest. Dude! Was this really necessary?

One always needs a little bear love…

Or koala bear love (check out the boots by 90 degree weather!)

This type of skirt is totally in this year for your information

See what I’m sayin’? I must get me one of these

And also lesbian chic is mowhawkish… I had no idea!

King’s Road Revival

If you don’t sport a Mowhawk, I don’t think you stand a chance with da ladies in 2009

There is always a man with big balls (I think I already made that joke but I can’t resist)

And a lonely man who would gain popularity, no doubt, if he wore better shorts

Some did a little dance, made a little love

And others followed suit

Some just looked way too cool even if their pants were tucked in their tennis shoes

Some had primo seating arrangements (especially compared to me that had no seating arrangements whatsoever)

A hippie looking dude reclined under the shaded trees while I, a GIRL, agonized in the burning sun and is that even fair?

Thank goodness, this chick made up for all the non-moving reclined attendants with her enthusiasm. She was VERY enthusiastic.

And these two characters were rather rambunctious as well but for Pete’s sake, where was the Japanese short police?

Did you know that gay men have very good taste in underwear? Probably because they show them to so many people!

Now, don’t think that everybody had as good a time as the folks above depicted. Oooh no! I think some had a pretty crappy time actually.

There was the dog in a bag. He looked pretty downtrodden if you ask me.

Then there was the dog who fought for his life

And the little boy who was so tired from all the gayness

The dehydrated nonna

And last but not least this poor little horse that looked way too frail to accommodate all that weight.

Now that totally pissed me off big time! I hope that horse still has a back. In case no one had the guts to tell this guy, let me: “you are way too non-thin to ride a pony!” Sometimes, you just have to call a cat a cat.

To be continued…

Dallas Gay Pride Parade – Sailors – (24/gazillion)

Each Wednesday, Club Rush in Dallas hosts a Best Chest Body Conetest (sic… or word play, who knows!) Something tells me I would not stand a chance of winning. When their float appeared, it seemed evident that the Wednesday weekly contest had not played out in vain…

“Saying nothing… sometimes says the most.” Emily Dickinson (not referring to a sailor)

I’ve always wanted to see a mermaid. I had imagined them less muscular.

Club Rush won the Trophy for Best Costume this year.

So this year, the Best Costume award went to Club Rush. I would not have much of a problem with that if it weren’t for the fact that, except for the mermaid, none of the guys were actually wearing costumes. They were all prancing around in their skivvies. I’m probably missing the whole point.

Dallas Gay Pride Parade – Divas – (23/gazillion)

All I’ve ever wanted to know about transvestites, I learned from comedian and Executive Transvestite Eddie Izzard.

My biggest conception? I had always assumed transvestites were gay. Not necessarily so.

Izzard, while displaying a certain penis nonchalance, dates women.

I do not know if a woman who dates a transvestite is a lesbian. It is an interesting question. My guess is probably a failed lesbian.

Izzard makes a distinction between action transvestites (such as himself) and weirdo transvestites (i.e. Edgar J. Hoover)*

The above cross-dresser, whether action or weirdo, is noticeably losing her wig or goes to a very bad hairdresser.

It would be very difficult for a woman to be considered a cross-dresser. Donning a suit has now become so common for women that it must totally suck to be a drag king.

I think she is an executive transvestite. She was overtly flirting with me.

* The fact that Edgar J. Hoover was a cross-dresser is either “an urban legend” or “common knowledge” depending on where you look. Whatever he was and I do not care, this is a man who would have fitted really well in today’s U.S. politics of fear.

Dallas Gay P.P. – Marilyn Manson Must Eat (22/gazillion)

He had long black hair like Marilyn Manson’s and he wore a pair of leather chaps above a black Speedo that left nothing to the imagination. Nipples pierced (I hear the pain is excruciating.) Tribal tattoos all over his body. Up until now, nothing really out of the ordinary, right? Except for the dude’s flower on his back and his extreme bony skinniness.

With such a body, he could easily be a catwalk model in Europe!

He’s already got the poses down to a T.

A little buttock exhibitionism never hurt anyone.

With all the attention I gave the man (thinking all this time about taking him to McDonalds for a few Happy Meals), I missed his flower-winged compadre. I only managed to catch him from the back, but even from this perspective, you get the intuition you’d better be really nice to him if you ever met him from the front. I know I would.

A flower and a cat-o-nine. A conflicted soul, no doubt.

Dallas Gay Pride Parade – Of Leather and Beads (21/gazillion)

My evil brother who sucks once conned me into visiting a leather bar in Brussels… He invited me for tea and scones (which I thought was incredibly sweet and sophisticated on his part – and unexpected if I may say), picked me up and drove me to a beautiful house in a posh neighborhood. Only inside did I realize that there would be no tea to be had on white linen tablecloths. I should have known better…

The Dallas Eagle bar seems to be one of these hopping places which devotes each night of the week to different activities or club parties. We apparently have quite a few leather clubs in Dallas.

The DISCIPLE Corps (at Dallas Eagle every 2nd Friday of the month) outlines rigid rules for party etiquette. You are not to touch someone else’s toys for example (unless asked to.) Also if you see something that appears unsafe, you can’t interrupt the “play”: you report your concerns to a Dungeon Master. The club is also just like Vegas and whatever happens there stays there.

The DFW Leather Boys organize educational workshops called TOOLS for da boys (or girls.) The young are tutored in the finer arts of leather care, shining boots (I think boot licking might be involved), spanking, flogging, medical play, anticipatory service, and wax play to name only a few. The medical workshop looks scary.

I think that’s cute! The big hunky guy in leather fretting over his tangled beads… Baaad Boy! He should be punished. Dungeon Master, over here please!

Hunky AND romantic… What more to ask for?

The seminar on leather care gave me pause. These guys would make their lives much easier if they replaced the leather with polyurethane. It almost looks like leather from a distance, is machine-washable and allows air to circulate through the fabric. It also saves cows.

Dallas Gay Pride Parade – My Boy Lollipop – (20/gazillion)

I know, I know… Not for me.

Way too young…

Dallas Gay Pride Parade – Eclecti-City – (19/gazillion)

A pierced tongued witch and a pierced nosed lederhosen man. This is Dallas.

The wicked witch confused the Gay Pride Parade and the Halloween Parade. Why are all these people making evil gestures at me? I’m almost longing for the Japanese peace signs (I said almost.) The witch’s curves should make fellow blogger Razzbufnik happy.

Making out with this man? A dangerous venture! The horns protruding from his nostrils could totally poke an eye. You would need to wear protective goggles.

Dallas embraces cultural diversity.

Dallas Gay Pride Parade – Duke Daisy – (18/gazillion)

My mother always told me: “If you adorn your head with a huge heart made of daisies, remember to act accordingly, very lady-like.” Well DUH!

The Duke Daisy is not only not lady-like BUT adding insult to injury, he is throwing the goat at me! Either that or he is a Texas Longhorns fan. Doubtful.

Oh yeah! Now acting all coy and demure. Nice try!

Dallas Gay Pride Parade – He/She – (17/gazillion)

Dear Santa, whatever this person in the photo is, that’s the body I’m ordering for Christmas. Thanks a bunch.

The context tells me this is a man lady, but I do not want to believe it. I’m not actually convinced it is not a woman.

note to Santa: I have been good to moderate good all year long!