I’m a soccer for love!

“Wayne Rooney? Oh yeah. Manchester United right? That’s the brat who stepped on Carvalho’s testes during the last World Cup.” And that’s how you leave a man flabbergasted by your awesome knowledge of soccer!

I once dated a soccer nut. One of the few things he left me (besides an irreparable crushed heart) was a collection of random sport facts.

He lived in DC. I lived in Dallas. Probably not the best premise for a love story nevertheless we tried to keep it entertaining (which meant a lot of efforts on my part and a lot of cheating on his…)

On a dreary winter day, a Saturday, a bummed out D. had to spend the whole day at his office. Working on a Saturday feels great when you are a photographer, not so much when you are an investment banker! So I decided to open up and tell him about my previous career as a famous soccer player.

This is what I sent him (because I’m silly and hardly ever take myself seriously.)

“I have a big confession to make and I hope you will forgive my secrecy. I have not always been a manager, private investigator, interpretor, voice-over, photographer… I was actually a VERY famous soccer player. I could not tell you before because I did not want you to like me for my sport abilities. I wanted you to see the woman in me, not the athlete. Yes, With an H, that was me. Great career. Over many decades. Then I had to retire my European career amidst scandal. I’m not proud of it. I’m sure that right now, you are somewhat hesitant to believe me so I will pepper your day with many proofs.

This is the first proof. A picture of me as a proud soccer player, with my favorite ball. Forgive the quality of the photograph, it is quite ancient.

A proud soccer player

The following is a photograph with Zito from Brazil (I played for Brazil sometimes) when I made a pass at him and he scored against Czechoslovakia! We were elated!

Goal with Zito

Playing for France was a great opportunity for me. They bought me from Brazil. Muito dinheiro!

Playing against Brazil

Playing for Brazil one day, against Brazil the next…

Equipe de France

Playing with France gave me the opportunity to study their great players’ weakest points. When years later, I played against Capocannoniere Michel Platini, I knew exactly what to do to divert his attention from the ball.

Against Platini

This brilliant move got me knee-deep in trouble!

Carton Jaune

My methods were modern. They were not always very well accepted by my peers.

Pants grabbing

This move also was a tad innovative for the period. After my yellow card from last time, they gave me a bright red one this time. I protested. Vehemently.

A sit-in

Check out the idiot referee! Threatening to pull something out from his pocket. What was he going to give me this time? A purple card? Anyway… It would be a fair assessment to say that things went south for me after that game.

The scandal

I recognize now that this move may have been just a tad ahead of its time (even if soccer rules do not specifically prohibit the use of a Tintin umbrella on the field.) The European clubs wanted nothing to do with me after that scandal. I had to move to the States.

Training with the US team

Now I have tea with Beck and Vic. My life is more peaceful.”

The things we do for love…

15 responses to “I’m a soccer for love!

  1. Nevermind the things we do for love.
    The things we do for BLOGS!!!
    That’s right, withanh, just keep upping the stakes with one more clever than the previous, post.
    Sure, go ahead, leave the rest of the pedestrian blogaholics holding the dirt bag.
    Are you trying to break the record in analytics for one day?

    This was too much fun. Just too much.
    Soc-her girl.

  2. You really popped a neurone there!

    BTW, I do believe the pic with the pad referee is genuine.

    It’s typically you, there!

    Love this series!!!!!!

    LOL * 1000

    Chris

  3. Bonnie, you always come up with the best compliments! I’m glad my exorcism attempt entertained you.
    You know he dumped me. He dumped me for a woman who would not walk anywhere for fear of ruining her shoes. I think he felt threatened by my athletic abilities…

  4. I loved it the first time I saw it, and seeing it here makes me realize I still love it! Great work, Nathalie.

    Oh, and he wasn’t worth your time. Cute, yes, and dressed well at dinner (with your guidance, BTW!), but still, he had his sights set way too low for someone as world-renowned as you. I mean, he actually thought he could woo someone with your history as a major player on the stage of world sports. Really! Come on…

  5. Chris, I love to pop neurones. You of all people should know that. I miss ya!
    Jason, I really do not need to be reminded how cute he was. I need to be constantly reminded about how evil he was!!! Getting him out of his lumberjack flannel shirts and eighties jeans was the biggest mistake of my life.

  6. That was GREAT! You had me laughing with the Tin Tin umbrella. Thanks, I needed that this morning.

    Hmm. Come to think of it, I’ll have to keep my eyes open for an Tin Tin umbrella. I don’t think I’ll be playing football any time soon, but it would look good in the rain we’ve been having!

    Turkish Prawn

  7. Hey!!! i absolutely love soccer! and dont hate on me cause im a united fan ok! and it isn’t just coz Ronaldo’s there… tho he is really really hot;) well gots to go. Portugal’s playing now see ya

  8. You are a good looking soccer player alright. However, you might want to try out the jersey for size next time before the purchase.

  9. Bill, you wear $15 jeans from Wall-Mart and you criticize my lovely sense of fashion… I’m crushed.

  10. Nathalie, I’m wiping off the coffee I just spewed all over my computer monitor laughing at this blog (and others). Thanks for beginning my day with a laugh!

    Oh, and I agree that Mr. T is a great shot. The Little Mermaid ain’t so bad, either.

  11. Such a colorful past. I would never have thunk it 🙂

  12. People tend to underestimate me.

  13. A soccer star (nearly). Who would have guessed? Any self-respecting soccer player that had the privilege of having his shorts tugged by you would surely be happy you’re in the league!

  14. hahahahahah
    I knew it from the moment I glanced at your user name that you played great soccer. It’s a Brazilian trait, these keen eyes for soccer players.
    But I have to confess I wasn’t aware that you actually did played for and against Brazil! Nice.

  15. Joao, man, soy grape juice? Tudo bem? Sorry for defecting to France but it’s not as if I had had much say in the matter. O Rei and I were doing just fine, thank you very much…
    Wonder how the World Cup is going to turn out… I think Mbeki should be roasted over a nice fire with accompanying marshmallows at the opening ceremony.

    Thanks for visiting – and muito obrigado para seus comentarios. Gosto de Brasil! Bom dia!

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