A Distinguished Affair… Not so much!

The last time Hunang and James hosted a dinner affair, the conversation had degenerated to lows rarely attained in the annals of parties. Hunang claimed not to understand what had happened. He had laid the finest China on a delicate tablecloth . After all, one must hold oneself to certain standards when heirloom porcelain adorns a table.

This time around, things would be different. Breaking with tradition, Hunang and James decided to prepare dinner at Miss T. and Brandon’s house. Perhaps a change of venue would elevate the debate to finer subjects such as philosophy or literature.

The table was beautiful

The dog had been confined to the yard.

Hunang was cooking up a storm in the kitchen

Bill stole Dorin’s sweater but he did not mean to.

In the living room, the guests were discussing very mundanely former living arrangements. Bill explained that he had lived at the Ritz… The Oram Ritz that is, an 8 unit residence in a beat up Dallas neighborhood. Cory asked him if there was a doorman and Bill told us about the feral cat doorman which was not very effective as far as concierges go. We then proceeded to the table. It seemed things would be different this time.

The subject of the Olympics was brought up, how male and female swimmers looked exactly the same in their suits and huge Matrix goggles and how they would kick our asses all the same whatever they were. We wondered if the regular gymnasts were making fun of the trampoline folks. The consensus was that they undoubtedly were.

Miss T. explained that she was mind-boggled by the amount of tiny countries that participated to the Olympics and wished she could have crashed the opening ceremony parade by representing a bogus nation. The Oompa-Loompa Overseas Territories. She imagined herself marching proudly in her striped candy red and white sport uniform.

You could see that Brandon, Miss T.’s husband, was perhaps not 100% convinced that the evening was heading towards loftier horizons. He was scratching his head. Da wife was feelin’ pretty feisty…

Dorin and Angela broke into an impromptu rap.

Bill talked about Fergie from the Black-eyed Pees, how she always spelled something in every song and… how she had peed herself once during a concert.

Oh dear! Singers peeing themselves! The party had officially broken.

Cory knew it. 15 minutes into the dinner and a point of no return had already been reached.

Love me some Pucca

Meanwhile Miss T. has gone into a Pucca delirium… Joined by Bill.

Love me some Pucca too

Cory discovers that he shares a birthday with Angela on September 12th, and inexplicably breaks into a celebration dance.

Bill attempts a Madonna.

Bill’s Madonna sends Miss T. over the edge.

That’s when Angela decides to sing the entire “I Like Big Butts” song. Kudos sista’!

Miss T. is very amused. Brandon hangs in there.

Bill decidedly breaks the jovial mood to tell us about the father he never knew growing up. He tells us about the time he visited him in Waco in February 2003, the second time they had ever met. As Bill prepared to leave, his dad hugged him and whispered to his ear that he had put a little something in the trunk for him. How thoughtful!

Bill drove home feeling he was building a foundation with his old man and loving it. He was so emotional he was crying. It was raining. He suddenly remembered about his father’s gift and, curious, pulled off the road. He slowly opened the trunk. In the middle of the compartment: a VHS tape. A Girls Gone Wild tape. A previously viewed Girls Gone Wild Tape… Have I mentioned Bill plays for the other team?

And just like that, when we thought we were safe, we weren’t.

That’s when we notice Brandon’s absence.

Brandon is gone to the store to buy raspberries for the cheesecake. “I don’t know what happened. They are the same raspberries that have been on the list since 11 am this morning!” Miss T. explains with a tiny point of gentle exasperation in the voice. She further explains that there will be no cheesecake for anyone until Bryan does the Beyonce. I think that Bryan likes to be begged because it is always such a big ordeal of huge proportions to make him do it.

We must liquor him up. The tequila is brought to the table. Things are getting serious. We all want Miss T.’s made from scratch cheesecake and if we have to carry the man to the dance floor, we will.

The man drinks up but needs further assistance. We send in Angela to lure him to shake his booty.

“You’re a fine woman! Back that ass up! From the East side to the West side!”

Finally! “Come on Bryan! Drop it like it’s hot!”

Holla atcha boys!

Bill: “You will look back at this with affection.”

Bryan: ” Do you have a scrapbook of regrets too?”

Bill explains that Cory and Leon are his oldest friends… In terms of long he has known them AND how old they are. He said he would have been sad to leave them behind but that he almost had to when he was laid off years ago. He had briefly entertained moving to Asheville, North Carolina. Hearing the news, his mother had said: “Oh no, you don’t want to live there. It has been eaten up by the queers and the Wiccans!”

Bill’s mother seems pretty high maintenance. He had failed to call her for a week and she left him the following message on his phone: “I don’t know where you are. I don’t know what you’re doing or who you’re with. Don’t call me. I’ll call you.” I guess that showed him!

Brandon has come back with the precious raspberries. Beyonce out of the way, we are all waiting for the dessert.

Orgasm on a Plate

Bill: “Well, don’t these raspberries just MAKE the dessert?”

Cory: “Ooh they taste as if they had just been bought!”

On our end of the table things are going pretty well.

On the other side, things seems more China appropriate.

They are probably discussing philosophy or literature.

On our side of the table, Bill blows into Oscar’s nose.

Angela is singing “Big Butts” to Oscar.

Bill pretends Cory is Oscar

Bryan shows love to Angela

Cory is dancing

Miss T. is dancing AND singing

Dorin and Oscar are smooching on the couch

Angela is booty-dancing Leon in the kitchen

James and Hunang wonder where they went wrong once again.

After all, the evening has just started…

note: in the course of the evening, 7.5 bottles of wine, 1 bottle of champagne, 1/2 bottle of tequila, 1/2 bottle of scotch, 1/2 bottle of Crown, and and unknown amount of vodka were consumed (but not by me.)

note deux: you know you are pushing the blogging envelope when you show up at a party with a camera, paper and a pen.

note trois: some names have been changed to preserve the anonymity of above-referenced drunks.

note quatre: some comments have been censored.

note cinq: after this post, my next venture will be my “World through the Eyes of planetross” that emanated through a Single for a Reason challenge (I’m not quite through preparing for this because the man thinks not like a regular human being.) I will then switch to a one photograph a day format in order to cope with my workload and fight the blogging addiction which is totally eating my clock.

note six: I hope they’ll forgive me.

note sept: no animals were injured in the making of this blog.

15 responses to “A Distinguished Affair… Not so much!

  1. You’ve got some nice images there but I can’t help but wonder if you actually participated in the dinner since you took so many photos.

    On the technical side of things, I’m presuming that you’re shooting using available light, so my question is, what ISO are you shooting at?

    Razz, I was sitting between Miss T. and Bill! Suffice to say, it would have been hard to put a word in, with or without a camera. There is an immense amount of pleasure that comes from creating “scrapbooks of regrets” for friends especially when all party attendees are personalities and a half. Actually, it had been a while since I got bellyaches from laughing too hard.
    Available light it is. I never use a flash BUT I shoot at 1600 ISO. The images are grainy. I’m thinking about getting the Nikon D3 which shoots flawlessly at 3200 ISO, and with a very nice grain quality at 6400.

  2. This would explain your ” slackedness ” at not posting for a while.
    You could have re-created the Gutenberg Bible in the amount of time it had to take you to put this epic together.

    ” Hello, my name is Nathalie and I’m a blog-a- holic ”

    Saving the best for last? You being Planetross?

    Look who’s calling the pot black, you kettle! I’m not slacking off but yes I am a blogaholicwithanh. This must change! I posted a lot of photographs so that I could stall the people from the party from getting ALL the photographs (that’s just a mere tithe.)
    As for being planetross, it’s slowly coming together… He’s much bigger than I am.

    You really were busy,Nat. No time for emoticons.Loads of images. Once again I have this odd feeling that I was at the party, brought the tequila and am now in a post-booze haze where I have to look at your post in order to remember being there.
    Your friends are brave. They trust you in their cameras with a home. I mean, in their homes with a camera. Great pix.

    Haha epic, I’m not sure they will trust me next time… If there is a next time. Perhaps I am now banned forever from James and Hunang’s parties (but I was not the one who was not China appropriate – i just reported the improprieties!) Don’t shoot the messenger!

  4. That was great fun, Nathalie! Lively, entertaining, charming, pleasant fun! I felt like I enjoyed the entire evening with you.

    And you must introduce me to that Bill character.

    Jason, somehow I knew you would say that… 😉 I’ll see what I can do.

  5. Thank your friends for allowing the camera into the party. Great documentation of what looked like an enjoyable evening.

    A most enjoyable and memorable evening! As I told Epic, I’m not sure they will ever trust me with a camera inside the house anymore! Ah good times, good times…

  6. That must have taken you AGES! A labour of love. I’m enjoying all the expressions you captured.

    Wow – I’m impressed that you never use a flash…! I doubt my little Nikon could do that. :o) I think I might have a go at shooting in “raw” just to see what it’s all about.

    No Nezza, what IS going to take ages is processing the remaining 200 images! That’s why I posted so many: I am unable to make choices.
    The use of the flash does not depend on the camera’s body but your lens. The RAW format allows you to change certain settings like exposure, white balance, contrast, saturation ,etc. without minimal alteration of the image quality.

  7. It looks like you all had a lot of fun. Thank you and your friend for inviting us in.

    Well, you are most very welcome. Enjoy! I’m never getting invited again!

  8. Wow! That looked like an amazing shindig!
    Bill looks a bit like George Clooney: he plays for the other team? (Denver Broncos) haha!

    Great photos as always. Thanks for letting us be flies on the wall.
    Those raspberries do look like they had just been bought!

    Well, he is not playing for the Saints, that’s for sure! But Clooneyish, yes certainly. Always quite a thrill to see the look on women’s faces when they realize where his allegiance lies. ;-( (would this be hoho!?)

  9. Oh man people born on September 12th are just nuts no wonder the party was wild!!! Looks like an awesome quiet night in to me! Fantabularse photos as always, you had me laughing out loud bringing the house down here. Thanks for the laugh!

  10. I loved this. You’re like the grooviest chick I know. Not only are you a fabulous photographer, but you have so many cool, funny friends. I have serious dinner party envy!

    Thanks for the great images and the fun narrative. Let me know if you ever start to give groovy lessons.

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  12. Beautiful.

    What a scream.

  13. Awesome party and even better pictures!!! Great photography!


  14. Reading your blog always seems like playing a round of DFW’s Six Degrees of Separation: Angela is my good pal’s older sister.

    Coincidence? I think not!

  15. Kristan: the coincidence is totally hilarious! If Angela’s sister is anything remotely close to Angela, I bet you never have a dull time! The woman never fails to entertain me.

    I wonder if Angela shared the memories of that evening with her little sister… Well, she’s probably seen much much worse. 😉

    We’ll probably meet some day! 😉

    Dallas is SO small! Or you know a lot of people.

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