Category Archives: cheesewithanh

Starbucks

Not everybody owns a large collection of Starbucks barrist-art cups.

I might be the only collector in the world.

Drinking a lot of coffee is a pre-requisite for a large collection.

note: Barrista artists are not barris-tarts.

double note: do they have Tsarbucks in Russia?

Enemas

When I was 10, my parents took me to the hospital for an enema. The zoo would have been nicer.

The doctor and nurses had to subdue me while I was screaming:

“I have no bum! I have no bum!”

They did not believe me.

Doctors always have posterior motives.

note: I fear I may have become an enema combatant.

double note: for cleansing coffee enemas, I recommend a drip, no whip and an extra shot.

Free Advice

Some people in my neighborhood offer FREE advice!

What are they trying to accomplish?

Tomorrow I’ll sit next to them and offer free-er advice.

My more better free advice services will include more perfect and more unique advice for less than nothing.

Irregardless.

note: I asked “the counselor” if I could take his picture and he took my request under advisement.

double note: advice and advisement are free but advisement takes a very long time.

triple note: this photograph is not from me.

Abs

I feel reason-ably ab-normal.

note: I generally fight abtraction with abstension.

double note: I think I abstan way too much.

note to planetross: consider yourself outcheesecaked… I always try to stay ahead of the six-pack.

note to Alan: Ha! Ha!

Tattoos

Tattoos are dumb.

10 years ago, my sister got a lion tattooed on her butt. Now it’s a Shar-Pei.

note: I’m very happy she did not have a Shar-Pei tattooed on her butt 10 years ago.

double note: I am a proud virgink. No tramp stamp on this chickie!

triple note: what do you call a woman with tattoos on both breasts? Tit-Tat-Two. 😉

Car Plates

When I moved to Texas, I was told I could have vanity plates or personalized plates.

I picked personalized plates.

As a photographer, I asked if I could have my head on a plate.

The vehicle registration lady replied I already had too much on my plate.

note: Texas has the lowest vanity plate penetration… which is amazing considering all the vanity and all the… ah nevermind!

double note: click here for a translation of my personalized plate unless you work at the Department of Public Safety, in which case click here.

triple note: I like to take rail-road trips.

Cougar

My friend Dorin is a cougar. She prey-dates a lot.

note: she may be a couga’ but she ain’t a cheeta’!

double note: Dorin likes to be in touch with her outer child.